I have been troubled at times by the reactions I get when I made a mistake and without thinking made some one get outrageously angy at me and start to degrade me and say derogatory remarks and to me make me feel like I will never be happy in his presence again. i would cry because it felt like there was no hope for the future with this person as well as my situation had detoriated so badly financally that I felt there was no choice but to stay here and be under his control.
It was a desperate feeling and but I resisted the urge to go out side on this cold day but the stress and anguish I was feeling tempted me to go out for some help but the truth of the matter I had no place to go to that made sense. When i realised i was backed into a corner with no where to turn I cryed out to God, my soul source of comfort and I hoped that I would have a little comfort.
I went and try to be normal but it wasn't working too well because I felt I needed someone on this earth who would care and understand. A little while later I recieved a phone call and this person was a comfort to me even though I didn't say how I was feeling. I believe God sent this person at the right time to just talk about things that she was doing and it was a relief just to listen and get my mind off my troubles . I actually felt better as well as he didn't treat me in an inconsiderate way any more that day.
I never know when I will be degraded again or if I will be but because it has happened so very frequently, I expect it will happen again. Also, I am limited in the things I am allowed to do in this place but because I have enough other things that interest me to do, I will be fine. I need to pay attention to the times that he actually does do kind things for me and forgive him. I am now willing to do things from my heart for him if he doesn't mind. god in lis love and mercy is there with me and helps me through the times and gives me hope for tomorrow.
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